Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.
Any man who is under 30 and is not a liberal has no heart and any man who is over 30 and is not a conservative has no brains.
If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
When you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way back down.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a ... brain operation.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
I would have made a good Pope.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, command a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it's only a choice of attitude.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
When solving problems, dig at the roots instead of just hacking at the leaves.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being.
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
Facts are the enemy of truth.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Logic is in the eye of the logician.
Books are the shoes with which we tread the footsteps of great minds.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Distance between two hearts is not an obstacle; rather a great reminder of just how strong true love can be.
Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
Dancing is silent poetry.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Who so loves believes the impossible.
Sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Do, or do not. There is no 'try'.
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